Freedom
by AngelofElements
Summary: Illumi finally has his first day off in years. The problem is that he doesn't know what to do with himself. Is he that devoted to work that he doesn't know how to handle free time?


Illumi aimlessly walked up and down the street. The wind gently ruffled his hair as he was bumped and jostled by the people around him. Normally he didn't like being in such a crowded place, but today he barely noticed the suffocating closeness of the millions of bodies. He was too wrapped up in his own thoughts to be disgusted.

He remembered what his mother had told him with perfect detail.

"You work so hard," she'd said sweetly. "I want you to go and have a day off today. Go to whatever you want and I won't interfere. Tomorrow you can resume your duties."

He felt pathetic. He had one free day all to himself and he had nothing to do, no one to be with. He couldn't even think of a good bar to go to and get a drink, perhaps even get himself drunk, because that was what people did when they had time off from work, wasn't it? How stupid was that, he didn't even know what he was supposed to _do_ with a day off.

He knew he hadn't had any time off in a very long time. If he wasn't doing a job he was home catering to his mother. She seemed to enjoy having him to boss around. But that didn't matter because she was his mother and what she said was what happened, regardless of what Illumi felt.

_Just like a puppet_, said a bitter part of his mind. _You are your mother's puppet, did you notice that? She probably expects you to just turn around a go back home after an hour. This whole "free day" thing is just another way that she can flaunt her power over you._

Illumi shook his head and walked on. He normally had perfect control over his thoughts. Perhaps he was just tired, the flight had been a very long one and he'd set off rather early without much sleep the previous night. Maybe he could find a tour pamphlet and look up a nice hotel.

_She's showing you that all you'll ever be able to do is cater to her needs, that you _can't_ go out and have a nice day off because you don't know how,_ the voice continued, ignoring Illumi's other thoughts._ She wants you to know that she's got you completely under her control without having to say it directly. Face it, Illumi; you're nothing but her slave anymore._

Illumi tried to shrug off the voice, but the rest of him knew that what it said was true. He had no life he only had a bond of servitude. The knowledge stung. This wasn't what he'd wanted by any stretch of the imagination it was just . . . When his mother smiled at him and told him what a good son he was he felt like he really mattered. If he were to stop doing what she asked, then the only person in his life that even remotely cared about him would turn against him and he'd be left all alone. No matter what he said, Illumi never wanted to be completely alone.

_So you'll sell your soul for artificial love? Is that really a fair exchange?_

It wasn't and he knew it. But at the same time, what else could he do? Estranging himself from the family would be disastrous to say the least. Killua could get away with leaving, but not Illumi. Killua was the heir, therefore an anomaly. Illumi on the other hand was expendable; Silva and Kikyou could always have more children with black hair and dark eyes.

_But you need to get out_, said the voice._ You need to get out before you get to the point where you don't _want_ a day off._

I can't, responded Illumi. There's no way that I could leave.

_You're an assassin,_ the voice shot back. _You're resourceful, you can think of something._

Illumi looked up at the Heavens Arena building towering above all the other skyscrapers like a monster.

"I'm an assassin," he whispered.

Illumi handed his tickets to the receptionist. She looked them over then gave him a slip of paper that would grant him access to the fight.

"You're on the top floor," she said. "Enjoy the fight."

"Thank you," said Illumi. He took the paper and headed over to the elevator. He was the only one to board; most everyone else had already made their way to the fight. Apparently the fight that day was very popular, Illumi had had to pay a lot of money to get in. But it was a small price to pay to be able to get up to that top floor.

He came to the door that led to the fight and passed it by. He'd only gotten the tickets so that he would be able to get to the top without attacking all of the guards. He could have fought his way up, but that would have taken a lot of time; this way was faster.

He quietly slipped pas the guards and found his way to a door leading outside. The sudden brightness of the sun made him wince, but after a few moments his eyes adjusted and he was able to look around. There was no one else on the balcony with him, which was ideal. He held up the paper and let it be blown away into the wind. He didn't need it anymore.

He walked over to the railing and without allowing himself a second's thought launched himself into the sky.

The wind whipped his hair around his head as he fell. He could hear the musical sound of the air rushing past his ears. His eyes were closed but he felt himself rushing towards the ground. It'd probably hurt once he hit the pavement and he knew that there was no chance of him surviving.

He opened his eyes to see the cement looming up at him. With a sigh he shut his eyes again and waited to feel the impact of the fall. It would be soon . . .

_The assassin opened his eyes. He was lying in his bed, the sun shining though his curtains onto his face. The clock by his bed told him that it was a little past nine in the morning. He had a meeting with a prospective client in about an hour._

_With a sigh he sat up and mentally prepared himself for another day. But he paused for a moment before going to get dressed. He reached over and opened a drawer in a small dresser near his bed. He pulled out a ticket to a Heavens Arena fight that was scheduled to take place that day. He studied it for a while, holding it in the palm of his hand._

_He shook his head and shoved it back into the drawer and shut it with a decisive click. He got out of bed turned his back on the dresser to find some clothes._

_By the time he walked out of his room, the dream had been pushed to the back of his mind._

A/N: Yes, I know I have a fanfic project to work on, but his plot bunny would not leave me alone. I'd love some constructive criticism on this because I'm not sure how well I stayed in the bounds of the HunterxHunter world. And I'd like to know about Illumi's characterization as well. He didn't seem like the kind of person to commit suicide but I kind of liked the idea so . . . Oh, I don't know. I'll just let you tell me, ne?


End file.
